From Loch Ness to Brighton Beach, Snowdon to Sherwood Forest – we’re all missing our favourite beauty spots. At no other time in modern history have we felt as disconnected from the places and faces we love, and most of us are yearning for the day we can jump in our cars and drive somewhere pretty once more.
But are we? While a weekend in the Lake District or a jaunt to the Highlands might sound glorious right now, are the attractions we know and love really all they’re cracked up to be? Or, have rose-tinted glasses and an overwhelming desire to be outdoors instilled a sense of ill-placed FOMO – or fear of missing out?
According to some Google reviews, this might just be the case. Because while many of us love our local parks, beaches and beauty spots, others are less than impressed. And that got us thinking: could negative reviews be the answer to getting us Brits to stay indoors during lockdown?
To put this to the test, we handpicked a selection of less-than-complimentary reviews about some of the UK’s most iconic beauty spots, and designed a few tongue-in-cheek posters to go alongside. So, if you feel like you’re missing out, our travel posters might help to convince you otherwise.
Longing to lay your towel on Brighton Beach? Granted, we’re missing the seaside too, but is Brighton really the best place to sunbathe? These reviewers think not:
· “Oooh the pebbles hurt my toes!”
· “Way too warm for the UK – my ice cream melted!”
· “Way too pebbly to be enjoyable unless you’re drunk.”
So, the critics have spoken. Painful pebbles and too much sunshine – you’d be better sunbathing in your own backyard.
As iconic as Cheddar Gorge may be, its misleading name means it can prove a real disappointment for all who visit. These reviewers certainly left feeling a little cheesed off:
· “Significant lack of cheese within caves – couldn’t finish the family-sized bag of crackers I brought with me.”
· “Went in hard and instantly regretted it.”
· “A place of outstanding beauty, totally spoilt by lack of cheddar.”
No cheese?! Then why bother visiting Cheddar Gorge at all? It’s only one of the Seven Natural Wonders of Britain after all…
What were the Romans thinking of building such an eyesore? Hadrian’s Wall may be one of the country’s most prestigious monuments, but these reviewers were less than impressed:
· “Just a small wall.”
· “It’s a wall and a house – BORING.”
· “Those Romans could use an architecture lesson!”
You heard it here first: thousands of years of history aside, Hadrian’s Wall is just a wall. And to think it’s been designated UNESCO World Heritage Site status…
It may be one of the UK’s largest inner-city parks, but Heaton Park is no oil painting. If you’re missing your weekend walks there, these reviews could sway you:
· “Too much duck poo.”
· “It rained. 1 star.”
· “Full of mud and big wagons.”
Mud, rain and a little too much duck poo – the jury’s out on Heaton Park. If you’re planning a post-lockdown picnic, you might want to think again.
Ah Lake Windermere, the perfect destination for… tourists, tourists and more tourists. Don’t believe us? Take a look at some of the lake’s 1-star reviews:
· “Couldn’t even go for a swim!”
· “I got mugged.”
· “Amazing town full of very slow people!”
If you live life in the fast lane, don’t want to get mugged and prefer somewhere you can go for a swim, we’d stay at home. A shame, because we’d heard the Lake District was supposed to be one of the most beautiful places in England – you live, and you learn.
Loch Ness clearly didn’t stick to the mantra of ‘under-promise and over-deliver’. All this talk of monsters, and not a soul has seen one. These reviewers weren’t happy:
· “Didn’t see the monster.”
· “Nessie is FAKE NEWS.”
· “Too far can’t get there. Can’t see big monster thing. Water cold.”
Nessie can wait, because Loch Ness is a big no-no. Cold, distant and free from mythical beasties, we can’t believe it’s considered one of Scotland’s most scenic lochs.
The Peak District is supposedly so beautiful, some people couldn’t wait for lockdown to be over before planning their next visit. These reviewers were left wondering what all the fuss is about:
· “Not as nice as the Lake District.”
· “Basically a desert.”
· “Too many trees for my liking.”
No one wants an abundance of trees and ramblers to ruin their weekend, so we’d steer clear of the Peak District. Amazing that it’s regularly voted England’s premier walking destination…
Like one of Robin Hood’s victims, you’ll feel robbed by your visit to Sherwood Forest. History and beauty aside, these visitors were not best pleased with their trip:
· “A sausage cob shouldn’t cost more than £3.”
· “No trees in the forest!”
· “Where’s Little John?”
A forest with no trees, where a sausage sarnie will set you back a small fortune – talk about not missing out. Forget the forest’s heritage and nature, you’d be better staying in.
Snowdonia may have picture-postcard looks and friendly locals, but that’s about it. Here are some of the reviews left by recent visitors:
· “Bit too hilly for my liking and didn’t see any yetis.”
· “All uphill and no wi-fi.”
· “Too many daffodils.”
Grim reading indeed – sounds a truly horrible spot with its hills, daffodils, lack of wi-fi and absence of yetis. You know what to do: stay home.
Most of us are so desperate to be outdoors, a walk around the local park is akin to a holiday. You shouldn’t risk visiting Victoria Park, however – and here’s why:
· “Huge scary creatures in the water.”
· “I got lost. 1 star.”
· “It’s so poop.”
We get that Londoners must be desperate for some greenery, but that’s no excuse to visit Victoria Park. Stay home and have a picnic in your garden instead.
So, there you have it – 10 travel posters, lots of reasons why you shouldn’t miss the great outdoors. Of course, it’s all a load of nonsense, and we can’t wait to summit Snowdon, hike the Highlands and laze on Brighton Beach again with the best of them.
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